Zapatera are Idiots: Survivor Episode 7: "It Don't Take a Smart One"

Ok why did Zapatera boot Sarita? She's much less likely to flip than David, and with the merge in the next episode, physical prowess is actually a downside since you could then go on an immunity rampage like Fabio last season or Brett in Samoa or JT in Tocantins, thus lowering the chances of you winning immunity and being safe. Sarita will almost certainly lose to Matt on Redemption Island, and Matt will rejoin the game,...

Survivor: Redemption Island Episode 6 "Red Headed Step Child" Review

Previously on Survivor, the Zapatera tribe tried to win and lost a challenge for the first time ever, but there was no drama this time as Krista and Stephanie basically were too lazy to stir things up, and the Zap 6 sent Krista to Redemption 6-2 where she will face Matt, who continued his little run after beating Kristina in the duel. On Ometepe, there was some tension between the Lazy Armpit Girls (aka Natalie and Ashley) and the hardworking yet unstable Phillip, and, judging by the preview for this episode, it was about to explode...

Survivor Redemption Island Episode 5: "We Hate Our Tribe" Review

Previously on Survivor, the evil noob Russell Hantz left the game for good but not before ratting out his entire tribe's mechanisms to Kristina, Phillip and Matt. Rob finally learns something new by finding the idol for the first time (and he's played 4 times, no wonder he never wins T_T) and when Ometepe loses the challenge again Rob's cronies vote out Kristina over Phillip 4-3...

Survivor: Redemption Island Episode 3 "Don't You Work For Me?" Review

Previously on Survivor, Zapatera throw the immunity/reward challenge and Russell is screwed, but his concubine Stephanie seemingly convinced Julie to flip and so Ralph is screwed. But Julie seems smarter than she looks and doesn't flip, and Russell is sent to Redemption 5-1-0 after a 3-3-3 tie. Meanwhile, the vintage Robfather finds the immunity idol clue from right under Phillip's ass but is unsuccessful in finding the actual idol itself.
With Russell gone, Ralph now seems to be the firm strategical player on Zapatera, but then he becomes a total idiot in showing his idol to the rest of the tribe, thereby receiving "Marty Syndrome" which gives him a huge target after Steph and Krista are gone. I thought Ralph was actually pretty smart before this, but his ego got to him even earlier than Russell's did on Samoa.
Then comes the DUEL between Matt and Russell. Ometepe send Kristina and Phillip, while Zapatera send Ralph and Sarita. It was a pretty close contest, but Elrod won for the 2nd time in a row and Russell began bawling like a baby. I loved Russell in Samoa and Heroes vs. Villains but became bored of him here, but I admit, he made up for it with his performance at Redemption. He really cares about the game, not just the fame/money that comes with it if you win. Ralph's stocks continued to crash as Russell successfully provoked him into showing his idol, and he also claimed that Steve, Mike and Sarita were actually in charge of Zapatera. As Russell is very observant, I believe him, so now Ralph is just relegated to Steve/Mike/Sarita's bodyguard who takes all of the bullets people throw at them. If Ralph isn't gone before the merge, he will certainly be the first post-merge boot if Rob's charm could convince some of the Zapateras to flip, especially David and Julie, the followers in the 6-way alliance. Well, Russell went out with a bang, and according to him, he ain't coming back.
Well, one superstar is down, but the other is still going strong. Rob has arguably the best position in the game as of now with his gang of fans and 3 secure boots (Kristina, Phillip and Andrea) before the merge. While Russell's protege at idol-finding, Kristina, is gone, Rob manages to distract his fellows with a beach party and then runs off due to "constipation" and finds the idol. Good for him. He could now most certainly blindside Ralph come post-merge with it, since I doubt Ralph has the humility to actually play his idol. When Phillip and Kristina return, Phillip tries to get all strategic and use the events at the duel as leverage with Rob (and Grant, but he's not the head honcho anyways), but he fails miserably (again) and Rob/Grant distrust him even more.
Challenge time! Last time I thought Zapatera would be cursed after throwing the previous challenge but apparently not. To be fair, it was totally rigged in favor of them. The challenge basically required good tool skills and brute strength, and Ralph had both of them. Although Ometepe gave the Zaps a run for their money, it was futile and Ometepe were required to vote another person out.
Now's time to play Anybody But Phillip And Kristina. Although Kristina is obviously the more threatening strategically and likely to flip at the merge, Phillip is annoying as hell even to viewers not to mention his own tribe mates and for once it seems that Rob isn't getting his way, especially Grant, who's supposed to vote for Kristina (Rob's alliance are doing the split-vote shit again) but is hating on Phillip instead. But this is all for naught, as at Tribal Council Phillip is obviously portrayed as more valuable to the tribe than Kristina, who's voted out 4-3.
Apparently next time there will finally be some drama within the Zap 6, hinting that they'll be sent. But Rob mentions that Phillip needs to stay, also hinting at tribal council. Hmm...maybe this is the double boot episode? Seems a bit early...Maybe one of them's just a red herring, but I would love for Zap to be sent, as Ometepe's tribal councils/votes have grown rather stale after Matt's boot. If Ometepe's sent, Phillip will be gone as, although Rob wants him around, the rest of the tribe hate him too much to bear with him for much longer. With the Zap 6, other than the obvious Stephanie/Krista choice, maybe Ralph? Perhaps some of the Zaps distrust him after he delayed showing them the idol. =/

Einstein's Lost Twin Brother Award goes to Rob. Woah 3rd time eh? Anyways, Rob did great in finding the idol and even convinced his alliance that Kristina has it. If he lasts late post-merge he'll win the fan favorite for sure!
Dumber'n A Bag of Hammers Award goes to Ralph. Yes I've stopped calling him Rooster 'cause I hate him now. He was stupid enough to show his idol to his tribe, like Marty in Nicaragua, and even the other tribe, like JT in Heroes vs. Villains. Both players didn't make it very far; Marty was fortunate enough to make the merge while JT was stupid enough not only to show his idol but to give it to.....Russell Hantz. T_T anyways, he seems like a dumber version of Rupert now.
Crazy Man Award goes to Phillip for obvious reasons.

Survivor Redemption Island Episode 3: "Keep Hope Alive" Review

So, previously on Survivor, Matt and Andrea become the latest Survivor showmance which threatens to unseat the great couples of Ethan/Jenna, Rich and Sue and the greatest Survivormance of all time: Rob and Amber.  Rob obviously gets jealous and, after Matt continued burying his own grave by shaking hands with Zapatera after losing a challenge, Rob has had enough and enlists Special Agent Phillip and his gang of Invisibles to blindside Matt, also getting a bonus as Kristina randomly plays her idol, sending Matt to Redemption 4-2-0.

Francesca is very surprised to see Matt at Redemption, but they hang out for a couple of days until (cue dramatic music) the DUEL.  The audience is David and Steve from Zapatera and Ashley and Andrea of Ometepe.  The challenge is pretty straightforward: the survivors have to grab keys using long sticks, open a few locks and go through the door.  Francesca takes a 2-0 lead on the key-grabbing contest, but her stick crucially breaks while grabbing #3 and Matt comes back to grab all 3 keys, unlock the door and win the challenge, sending Francesca home for good. Afterwards, Ashley and Andrea tell the truth to Ometepe but David and Steve lie to Russell and his concubines that Matt was actually sent home.

Survivor Redemption Island Episode 2 "You Own My Vote" Review

Yep I've added episode names =).

So, previously on Survivor, Phillip revealed himself to be a crazy spazz. Russhole made yet another "cute little girl" alliance with Stephanie and the Robfather made a great move in voting out the Fusah priest Francesca 4-3-2.

This time, Russhole added another girl, Krista Klumpp (a Natalie White 2.0 if ever there was one) into his alliance but Ralph "Rooster" Kaiser manages to grab everyone else and steal the hidden immunity idol from right under Russhole's nose. Rooster seemed unaffected by Russhole's intimidation tactics, and doing so earns him admiration from David and Da Soldier Mike, although they might just be envious of his body hair.

On Ometepe, Robfather is in complete control with an alliance of just about everyone except Kristina and Phillip. However, he notices Matt and Andrea getting close and is wary, since Amber and him were a dominant duo on Survivor All-Stars.

Now to Redemption Island! Francesca arrives and begins writing in her journal and.....that's it. Honestly, CBS should've portrayed Redemption Island more as Francesca's character could be developed so much more. >:(

So, to the immunity/reward challenge. Ometepe take an early lead after Sarita slows down Zapatera, but Zapatera comes back at the ball-throwing stage as Rooster hits 4 targets in a row while Phillip hits 1. Although Phillip has a late rush which ties the score at 4-4, Rooster does the trick by burying the final target, winning Zapatera immunity. Then, Matt just enlarged the target on his back by blithely shaking hands with the Zapateras, causing Robfather to hate on him even more. Matt's chances of elimination are rising into the early 90%s.

At Ometepe, Phillip makes a goodbye speech, convinced that he's going home next. But Robfather tells his alliance bar Matt and Andrea to blindside Matt due to his actions for Zapatera. With the whole alliance, he tells them to split the vote between Kristina and Phillip, causing one of them to go home depending on if Kristina plays her idol or not. Then, in a vintage Robfather move, Rob convinces Phillip that he's safe for the moment and tells him to vote according to his signal at tribal council

Tribal Council Time! Phillip goes on a much more balanced speech sounding like an epitaph, still convinced he's going home. Kristina wants to confirm this by playing her idol. Rob motions for Phillip to vote Kristina. And the votes are cast....

Phillip gets 2 votes. Kristina gets 2 votes, but both are negated. And Matt is in open shock as he gets 4 straight votes from his own alliance. Matt is voted off, 4-2-0!

Einstein's Lost Twin Brother Award goes to Rob/Rooster. Rob does great in recognizing the Matt/Andrea duo as a threat and garners Phillip on his side and causes Kristina to waste her idol. Rooster also gets his Zapatera alliance into a great position outnumbering Russell's alliance 6-3 with the hidden immunity idol in his hands too.

Dumber'n A Bag of Hammers Award goes to Kristina. Why the heck would you waste your idol like that???? Now you have no idol, no chance to blindside Rob and a huge target on your back. Best get ready for Redemption Island.

Crazy Man Award goes to Russell. He just randomly confronts Rooster about having the hidden immunity idol clue and goes all defensive instead of just admitting it. o.o not a great way to appease the majority alliance leader.

Next episode I predict that Zapatera will lose immunity, as Stephanie mentions a "blindside" in the trailer. However, Rooster has the idol, so either he makes a fake to fool Russell or Russell just steals his idol. On Ometepe, Andrea apparently goes all crazy in losing Matt, but I'm pretty sure that this is just a red herring. And on Redemption Island, I'm pretty sure Matt will beat Francesca as he is better physically and barely got a POV this season, while Francesca features pretty prominently in the 1st episode.

Stay tuned for our next episode.

Survivor Redemption Island Episode 1: Review

Hooray the new Survivor season starts! =D

Sadly, Rob and Russell are in the show, and sadly both do not get voted out on thee 1st episode. But enough of that.

Every episode review I will say what I thought about the episode and give out awards for the dumbest, smartest and most interesting (ahem crazy) personalities.

Alright so the first episode starts off with the Nicaraguan military escorting the survivors back to Nicaragua, where last season was held. After a bit, Rob and Russell get a grandiose VIP entrance and Jeff Probst gives the amateurs a little history on their games. Then, Rob and Russell drew buffs to decide which tribe they're going to be on. Rob gets orange (Ometepe), while Russell gets purple (Zapatera). The Ometepes all welcome Rob like their king, except Francesca who correctly says she doesn't want to be with Rob, while the Zapateras give Russell a less-than-warm welcome. Jeff then introduces the Redemption Island concept to the players, and it's off to camp.

Ometepe gets the majority of the screen time, showing Rob being the good man he is and helping his tribe build shelters, as well as Phillip spazzing over everything. But already drama starts brewing as Kristina decides to pull a Russell and find a hidden immunity idol without a clue. Surprisingly, she does so, and I begin to think that Kristina is like the new Parvati or something until she decides to make an alliance with Francesca (fair enough) and Phillip (O.O). Why the heck would she do so? Phillip is crazy, and unpredictable too. If you do something to piss him off, he's gone. Also, Krista and the other women clearly heard Rob approaching Phillip in an earlier scene. Why align with him?

At Zapatera, nothing happens except Russell again using the "take a girl to the final" strategy by selecting Stephanie, but there's a catch. Russell and Stephanie will only work to the merge. For me that is absolute bull**** because whoever heard of a premerge alliance just randomly splitting up after the merge? Anyways, Mike and David of Zapatera decide that Stephanie is no longer reliable because of her association with Russell, and form a guy alliance.

First immunity! For some reason the show skipped the reward challenge this episode. Anyways, it's basically building steps to get to the next level, chopping rope to get to the next level and solving a puzzle. Easy peasy. Zapatera take an early lead and, despite Ometepe doing great at the puzzle, win immunity. After that, Russell gloats a bit to Rob, claiming his tribe is buff and all that.

Rob then goes with his gang and discuss the possibility of Kristina having an idol (which, obviously, she does). Rob then uses the tactic that he used in Heroes vs. Villains where his alliance split the votes between Kristina and Francesca. Luckily, this time there was no Tyson to mess things up and things seemingly are about to go to plan for Rob for once.

At tribal council, Phillip makes another random spazz and even goes against his allies Kristina and Francesca. He first tells everyone that Kristina and Francesca want Rob out, then even tells Rob that Kristina has an idol. Things quickly get out of hand and Rob basically demands Kristina's idol, but Kristina is a strong woman and denies him. After a word-fight between Francesca and Phillip, it's time to vote! Francesca has 4 votes from Rob's men and Phillip, Kristina has 3 votes from Rob's women and Phillip has 2 votes from Francesca and Kristina. Francesca goes to Redemption Island 4-3-2!

Einstein's Lost Twin Brother Award goes to....(drumroll) Rob! He organized his alliance well and ensured there was no mess-up like last time and got the job done, cutting Francesca off from Kristina for a while and ensuring his alliance in a dominant role in Ometepe. However, Mike and David on Zapatera get a mention too as they correctly identified Stephanie as no longer trustworthy.

Dumber'n a Bag of Hammers Award goes to....a tie between Francesca and Kristina! Kristina should not have made an alliance with Phillip in the first place and also should have hid her intentions for the idol from Rob too. But Francesca's duel with Phillip at tribal council ultimately forced her out of the game with Phillip casting the deciding vote. Francesca also could've voted for Kristina, resulting in a 4-4-1 tie vote and I am sure Rob would keep Francesca over Kristina.

Crazy Man Award goes to....Phillip! For obvious reasons.

Stay tuned for episode 2!

OMFG

OMFG THEY'RE ACTUALLY DOING IT.

Rob and Russell are actually gonna be on Survivor 22! Apparently they will be the leaders of their respective tribes.

I'll see absolutely no way that both of them will make the merge, thus wasting 2 out of 18 Survivor spots. What makes me angry is that this rejects potentially interesting allstar-type players the chance to shine. And Rob will be playing for the 4th time!!!!!! >:( and Russhole the 3rd in 4 seasons >:O.

Hopefully they both get booted early so I won't get bored from all that crap.

Survivor: Redemption Island-Rob vs. Russell?????!!!!

I've just heard a rumor on the internet that the 22nd season of Survivor will feature Boston Rob Mariano and Russell Hantz from seasons 8 and 19 respectively as players in its season!

Russell should most definitely NOT be in Survivor 22. Even though he should have won Samoa Hantz down (I'm so funny eh? =P) he should not appear for the 3rd time in 4 seasons. At least get Richard Hatch to replace him! The guy's one of the best players ever but hasn't appeared since ages ago! Although I'm not sure if he's out of jail or not...

Robby shouldn't be in it either. In my mind he is so overrated that he makes Natalie White from Samoa look like a deserving winner who didn't charm the jury with her dumb-girl act. Rob didn't even make the jury in season 4, admittedly did well in season 8 but was crap in season 20, where he didn't even make the merge. So, he only made it far in 1/3 seasons, while Russell made it to the final in 2/2 seasons. =/

Both Russell and Rob should NOT be in S22. I've personally had enough of Russell and Rob is just crap. Maybe Survivor should just not invite ANYONE from past seasons and instead invite interesting people who've never appeared on the show before.